Overcoming The Struggle
March 9, 2010 by Marci
This is day two of our Overcoming Busy Celebration. Each day, different voices will share ways to overcome busy and why it’s so important. Thanks for joining us!
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Five years ago, I gave birth to an eight-pound boy who would rock my world. I had whimsical dreams of strolling through the park and singing him soothing lullabies in the dark of night; I was sorely surprised to find the strolling disastrous when I got to the park… sans said stroller, and the nights far from soothing as giant crocodile tears rolled down my chest into my newborn son’s face while we struggled through breastfeeding. You may say my expectations were unrealistic, when I saw them as romantic notions. I came to find that actually, I was comparing myself to moms I’d seen on TV, or perhaps someone the mom up the street who ‘seemed to have it all together’. I was failing according to the standards I had set, and my family was hurting because of it.
I wish I could say a few months later I was good to go. Instead I struggled through the baby days, while my playgroup friends did things differently than I, and so again I felt as if I was a terrible mom for the way we were handling our new roles as parents. Toddler-hood came, seeing this friend’s son behaving while mine threw fits. I ended up not wanting to go anywhere because my worry about not being ‘good enough’ was paralyzing me.
It wasn’t until I’d decided to slowly step away from situations and people in my life that weren’t positive. I had to grow as a person and as a mother before I could finally see what was right in front of me. This beautiful boy that really wasn’t doing anything terribly wrong or out of the ordinary sat next to me for snuggles one day and as I breathed him in I realized… I am good enough. I’ve done my best. He loves me. So when his little brother came along I decided that I wouldn’t make the same mistakes again. I’d do what I knew best, I’d give it my all, and when I did mess up I knew it would be okay. Of course I still dreamt of the soothing lullabies in the middle of the night and when I was able to follow through on that notion, even if only a few times in his baby-hood, I was pleased.
Today I am still human, mama to two littles who keep me on my toes. I still struggle with typical insecurities as a mother, but I am able to face them head on with more drive and passion. I’m embracing this life, thankful to have the opportunity to make mistakes and keep on learnin’!
I hope that you are giving yourself some slack, realizing that you are good enough and you are doing your best – love to hear a bit about how you overcame (or are trying to overcome) similar obstacles!
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Angie Warren is founder of The Creative Mama and Angie Warren Photography. She is mama to two very rambunctious boys and married to a baseball-loving, hard-working man. She finds that whether it be with her hands, her lens, or her mouse – creating is soothing, liberating, and something she desires to share with the world.
Comments (6)
Oh Ang, you are such a beautiful lady! Being a Mama is hard, I personally still struggle day to day but I also always remind myself that God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle. That’s how I get through!
Thank you for sharing you are real!
Thanks for sharing. My journey as a mother started with me doing what was right for my girl but then I went off kilter when she was a preschooler. After I decided to stay home, I began to notice what other moms did different from me – what the “right” things to do were. I signed up to attend the “right” preschool, bought the “right” toys, and signed her up for the “right” activities. I had playdates where all the activities were planned – it was no longer enough just to have kids over to play spontaneously. And, my anxiety grew as my house became more cluttered and I focused on the “right” things.
My girls, as now there are two, were not the average kids. One has full blown panic attacks at loud noise, the other appeared to be learning disabled. They did not fit the mold of the children around us. In September, the stress of trying to be “right”, dealing with my kids anomalies, and a death in the family hit critical mass.
I had to step back and do what you described. I had to no longer listen to those critical voices, and listen to the needs of my family as well as myself. I am reestablishing my baseline of what is “right”. I am appreciating my girls for who they are. And, I am repairing the damage of all the years of trying to force my family to be “right”.
Thanks for sharing. My daughter will be turning one in a couple of weeks. My new years resolution was simple this year. I am just trying to follow the word, “Embrace.” Embrace the moment. AKA watching her play or sing her a song rather than emailing or folding the laundry. These little moments with her are flying by so quickly I want to capture every single one.
Angie- this is an awesome post. Thanks for sharing. We have all had those feelings of inadequacy at sometime during our years of motherhood. It’s hard to be a good mom when we are trying to keep up with everyone else.
Wow! Looking back, I remember all the insecurities, frantic phone calls to my Mom, and just struggling to be the best Mom EVER! Thank God I was given a couple pieces of advice that saved my sanity.
1. Your NOT performing surgery, so the house doesn’t need to be perfect.
2. Wouldn’t you rather have all the neighborhood kid’s bikes on your lawn, where you’ll know everybody’s safe?
Mine are 23, 20 & 15 now, and I have to say those exact will be coming out of my mouth as soon as necessary.
Oh, thank you for writing this, Angie.
I struggled horribly with my son, now 19 months old. I knew that I had no clue what it would be like to be a mother… and I hated being “the mom” for so long. My issue was not breastfeeding, but sleep. I am still having issues – the kid won’t fall asleep unless I hold him. In the middle of the night, he wakes up and won’t go back to sleep until I bring him to my bed. Alas, alas. I gave up, frustrated. In giving up… perhaps by letting my son win as some might say… I’m feeling quite a bit happier and at least a little more rested.
I don’t have any friends where I live right now, nor do I have family – both of these caused me to feel stressed and depressed (and still do, in fact). Only in the last couple of months have I begun to realize that things are OK. I am OK. We are ok, together. (but I still can’t think about having another just yet!) And you know, my kid is pretty awesome.