Growing Real Friendships
June 30, 2010 by Marci
Last night, Gather Inspirit hosted a twitter chat. The topic was Online Relationships. I didn’t get to participate, because of a church meeting. However, I did get read the transcript when I got home. I was anxious to see what a bunch of bloggers had to say on the subject. Actually, their chat brought to mind some truths about our real life relationships today. Here are three comments made that stuck with me.
Erin from Closing Time: In person, we’re often friends with those who are close geographically, rather than those we might connect best with.
Monica from Paper Bridges: My IRL friends are busy. my OL friends can pick up convos w/me easily, anytime. makes it easy to connect.
Rachel from A Steady Rain: I’m far from the ones that I can open up to!
As I read through the chat, I realized that those comments fit all relationships – not just online.
Sharing Common Interests
Growing up, we might be friends with the kids on our street not because they have a lot of common interests, but because they are close and available. As we grow older, we might start to pick and choose friends who have similar interests. But, what if no one does? Making friends out of convenience is great. We all need friends. But, those deep relationships are usually rooted out of a mutual interest or belief. Not having someone close that you can really relate to can make someone very lonely. That can happen to adults too. For example – If no other mom on the block has the same interest and beliefs and you are stuck in the house with little kids and no meaningful adult interaction, that is lonely. However, that same mom can develop a deep friendship with another mom who is going through the same thing and understands her situation.
Too Busy For Friends
In our busy society, we are around people all the time. We meet them coming and going for brief periods of time. But, most times we don’t spend the time to cultivate and grow relationships past that casual acquaintance stage. Friendship take time, energy and effort. Chatting with someone for a few minutes a week in between cheering for your kids at a ball game probably isn’t going to grow the relationship. These are how most of our relationships are and that’s ok. It’s when you are too busy to take the time to build close friendships that leads to a lonely life.
Far, Far Away
We live in a mobile society. People get transferred and move all over the country for their jobs. It’s no big deal these days- for the companies. However, when you are uprooted every few years, it makes it hard to develop meaningful friendships or keep them over the miles. Families can get isolated and lonely. That’s where the wonders of Facebook and Skype can save our sanity!
Have you taken the time to cultivate and grow close friendships? Do your friends share interests with you or are they just convenient? Are you lonely?
Comments (3)
Friendships are hard. on-line too… but IRL friendships take work. I have a small group of IRL friends that each live within 15 minutes- 2 hours from me… and on a weekly basis I make a valid effort to connect with them. Send a card, a text, make a lunch date, plan a GNO. I treasure these women more than anything and I want to make sure they know that they mean a lot to me.
Thanks for posting this… and getting me thinking about it!
oh gosh, I think you are in my head sometimes. I have been thinking a lot about this friendship thing, and yes, feeling lonely lately.
Since getting married I seem to have lost a lot of friendships. I wasn’t sure what was going on, and I thought it had a lot to do with my self-confidence and changed interests. Though my lacking connected friendships I think is linked to both, what struck me about your thoughts is that friendships take time and energy. And friends aren’t just those physically near you, but souls with whom you choose to work to support, cherish, and know deeply. It takes time, and energy.
I think it is okay for me to be “picky” about friendships. Since it does require an investment, why not invest in the friend you feel is most like you? I think I need to be a little more bold about voicing my friendly feelings and not worry so much about what the other “might think.” If the time and space is right, so will the friendship be right.
Thanks for this post…it really got me thinking too.
I missed that chat too! Thanks for highlighting your favorites here! I find that in any relationship, you have to be purposeful if you are going to grow it! But in our stage of life that can be a challenge – but always worth it!
Thanks for stopping by 29lincolnavenue today! So glad you did,
Stacey