Erin from Closing Time:  In person, we’re often friends with those who are close geographically, rather than those we might connect best with.

Monica from Paper Bridges:  My IRL friends are busy. my OL friends can pick up convos w/me easily, anytime. makes it easy to connect.

Rachel from A Steady Rain: I’m far from the ones that I can open up to!

As I read through the chat, I realized that those comments fit all relationships – not just online.

Sharing Common Interests

Growing up, we might be friends with the kids on our street not because they have a lot of common interests, but because they are close and available.  As we grow older, we might start to pick and choose friends who have similar interests. But, what if no one does?  Making friends out of convenience is great.  We all need friends.  But, those deep relationships are usually rooted out of a mutual interest or belief.  Not having someone close that you can really relate to can make someone very lonely.  That can happen to adults too.  For example – If no other mom on the block has the same interest and beliefs and you are stuck in the house with little kids and no meaningful adult interaction, that is lonely.  However, that same mom can develop a deep friendship with another mom who is going through the same thing and understands her situation.

Too Busy For Friends

In our busy society, we are around people all the time.  We meet them coming and going for brief periods of time.  But, most times we don’t spend the time to cultivate and grow relationships past that casual acquaintance stage.  Friendship take time, energy and effort.  Chatting with someone for a few minutes a week in between cheering for your kids at a ball game probably isn’t going to grow  the relationship.  These are how most of our relationships are and that’s ok.  It’s when you are too busy to take the time to build close friendships that leads to a lonely life.

Far, Far Away

We live in a mobile society.  People get transferred and move all over the country for their jobs.  It’s no big deal these days- for the companies.  However, when you are uprooted every few years, it makes it hard to develop meaningful friendships or keep them over the miles.  Families can get isolated and lonely.  That’s where the wonders of Facebook and Skype can save our sanity!

Have you taken the time to cultivate and grow close friendships?  Do your friends share interests with you or are they just convenient? Are you lonely?

]]> http://overcomingbusy.com/2010/06/30/growing-real-friendships/feed/ 3 http://overcomingbusy.com/2010/03/24/the-article-club/ http://overcomingbusy.com/2010/03/24/the-article-club/#comments Wed, 24 Mar 2010 10:00:38 +0000 Marci http://overcomingbusy.com/?p=1341

Today, I received my Better Homes and Garden magazine.  I skimmed through it while the kids were at skating lessons.  Some mom’s read books during the lessons, but I text, write blog posts and skim magazines.  As I looked through it, a little blurb in the calendar section caught my eye.  This month, the calendar featured Lisa Quinn, author of Life’s Too Short.  She shared little tips for creating “me time”.   One of her tips was starting an “article club”.  This is for the mom’s who don’t have the time to read an entire book for a book club. Instead of reading books, you and your friends could discuss a magazine article or a blog posting.

I thought this was an interesting concept, since I hadn’t finished a book in a while.   Then, I thought “Wait a minute!  I do this everyday!”  As blog readers, we all are part of an “article club” and we have the opportunity to discuss the article in the comments section of the blogs.  We don’t have to wait until our club meets.  We don’t have to get gussied up and head across town.  Our article club is open 24/7 and we don’t even care if you’re still in your jammies with baby spit-up stains!

Blogs are great sources of info for those of us who really don’t have time to wade through a whole book to find what we are looking for.  They are also a wonderful source of community and camaraderie.  So, welcome to the article club!  What shall we discuss today?

Would I offend you if I didn’t mop the floors before you come over tonight?  Don’t think I’m gonna have the time.

The response:

I never notice if your floors are clean or dirty.

Excellent!

We had friends over for dinner last night.  Good friends.  The kind of friends that walk in the front door without knocking.  The kind of friends that call up and say “Can you invite us over for enchiladas this week?”   As I was making the enchiladas late yesterday afternoon (after taking the kids to ice skating lessons, homeschooling, running the little one to and from preschool, laundry and doing some paperwork), it dawned on me.  “My floors are kinda yucky.”  At this point, I was getting tired and just wanted to sit down, so I sent the text hoping for permission to cross that off the list and just relax for a couple minutes before our friends arrived.

When people first come over to your house, you normally want to make a good first impression and have the house clean and orderly.  Then, there are those friends that you have made the good impression with, ruined that impression several times over and they love you anyway.  Those are your true friends.   That got me thinking.  What are other marks of a true friend?  This is my quick list.

A true friend has your garage code
A true friend doesn’t use that code for evil purposes
A true friend will tell you if you have broccoli in your teeth
A true friend will tell you if your new hair color is bad
A true friend will tell you if you really do look fat in those jeans
A true friend will appreciate the above two statements
A true friend will take your toddler for an indefinite time when you call and say “I’ve miscarried.  I need to go to the hospital.”
A true friend will appreciate and understand your facebook sarcasm
A true friend will bring their own slippers to your house
A true friend stops and prays when they receive the text “pray for me now!”
A true friend doesn’t notice or care if your house is dirty

I can count on one hand the number of friends we have that are that close to us.  My husband and I treasure those relationships.  Those are the friends we want around even when the chips are down.  We know we can be ourselves around them and they will be there for us no matter what.  And, most importantly, I don’t have to mop especially for them!  I hate to mop.

The kids and I are taking a couple days and going to my parents house.  They are long overdue for their Grandma and Papa fix!  We are leaving in the morning, so tonight I need to pack our bags.  We are all looking forward to the trip, but as we all know, the packing can be stressful.  Do the kids have enough clean socks?  Did someone pack a toothbrush?  Its so cold, why do you just have short sleeve shirts?

We take weekend trips frequently, so I have come up with a little routine for getting ready for a trip.  While not foolproof, it does help keep things as stress free as possible.  I started thinking about the trip yesterday.  I made sure we all had clean basics: underwear, socks, pants.  A couple loads of laundry later, we were good.  This morning, I am checking the weather at my parents and calling my mom to see if the kids can just take play clothes or do they need to pack a set of good clothes, too.

Now that I know what kind of clothes to pack, I start making a list for each person of everything article of clothing needed for each day and a spare set.  (I only need it when I don’t pack it!)  Next, I write down accessories.  Hair ties for my daughter…earrings for me.  After I get the clothes and accessories on the list, I list all the stuff needed for the morning routine.  Toothbrushes, hairbrushes, skin care, make up….those kinds of things.  The last list is what I need for the car ride.  It is about a 2 1/2 hour trip.  The kids like to take their leapsters, sketch paper and crayons or pencils, books, water and a snack.

Tonight before bed, I will pack everyone’s clothes and accessories.  Everything is clean and on the list, so this takes no time at all.  I will get my “morning routine bag” out and put it on the bathroom counter, along with the list, to be packed in the morning as we use things.  We generally use a box or basket to sit between the kids  in the car with all their books and games and snacks.  Tonight, I will pack the box and put it in the car.

Hopefully, we will get up tomorrow morning, eat breakfast and hit the road!  That is my plan anyway!

There are those seasons in life when we do feel overwhelmed.  We can’t always prepare for those times.  Good thing we have a God bigger than any circumstance.

Psalm 61:1-3 (New King James Version)

To the Chief Musician. On a stringed instrument.[a]A Psalm of David.

I have to read that passage every so often to keep myself in check.  When I feel worry creeping in, I know I have to stop it right away.  I have to remind myself that worry accomplishes nothing.   I love verse 27 that says “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? “  It can’t be done.  It’s a waste of time!  It is just mental busyness that keeps us from a joyful life.
Right now, everywhere you look and listen, people are talking about the grim economics times we are in.  Every media outlet is bombarding us with bad news and reasons we should all worry and fret.  Are you as sick of it as I am?  It’s a good thing I don’t rely on the media and other negative influences to run my life and shape my attitude toward it.  Jesus said we are valuable to him and he will take care of us  if we seek him first – not the media, not our negative co-workers, not our neighbors.  Jesus asks us to have faith in Him.  Worry is a form of fear and fear is opposite of faith.    Faith and fear cannot co-exist.

Don’t get sucked up into the mental busyness of worry.  Have faith and put your trust in Him.  He is bigger than the economy, the government, or whatever  else tempts you to worry.

The author likens these relationships to a garden of beautiful flowers.  They all need love and care in order to grow,  but if neglected, they can wither away.  Relationships need to be tended to just like a garden if you want to keep them.  Do you have any relationships that need some attention?  It is so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day routines and stuff that we forget to reach out to those closest to us.  We may not be pushing people away.  Its more like drifting…

We need close frienships.  We can’t be an island and expect to make it.  Everyone needs someone they can count on.  Take time right now to make a quick phone call, schedule a lunch, invite a friend over for a cup of coffee. Make time in your schedule to take care of these relationships before they wither away.